Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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