in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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