I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
