I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
