I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
