You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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