I like to think it a success when the cops are called
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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