There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
