my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You made out with two different species that night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
