Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
