got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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