Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
