Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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