Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
