I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
