Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
