PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize