i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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