We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
