Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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