who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
