and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
