Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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