rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
