Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
