after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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