What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
