Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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