If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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