Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
