i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
