i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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