Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They took my balls.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
