I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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