More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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