He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
