I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
