I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
