HIV tests are more positive than that guy
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
