Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize