everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
