She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
