If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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