Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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