Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
