Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
