is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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