He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
