Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy

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(410): View more from Maryland

She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.

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(631): View more from New York

The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"

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