I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together