Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want