I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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