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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The key to alley sex is drunkeness.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.

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• (951): View more from California

  I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.

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• (585): View more from New York

  who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together

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