One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace