she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
