Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.