awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
