Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
