Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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