What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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