i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
