The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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