I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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