peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
