I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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