so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
