just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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