Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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