i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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