Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
