If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
