Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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