i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
