I looked at my own cervix.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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