I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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