You're my little dorito
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
