My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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