I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
