Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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