that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
kristin has been a bad kristin
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
