i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Boobs speak an international language.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
