he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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