My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
