dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So vagazzling was a success
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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